Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
