i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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