you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
