Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
