God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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