i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
