nut hugger
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Farmville is her only friend.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize