dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize