Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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