Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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