we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
