You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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