Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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