i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
