No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
How does it feel to date your dad?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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