we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
