hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
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