He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
