then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
whose parrot is this?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
