This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
