I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
