tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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