I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
