Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
