we have pet lesbian snakes
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
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