Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
