i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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