Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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