He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
