Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
