take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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