I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
