you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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