Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
