found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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