So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
