nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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