I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
