Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
