smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
