i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
