I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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