From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize