Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
