I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
