I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
