i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
