I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
