Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We need to get me chipped asap
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
