my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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