I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize