I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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