forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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