My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
