I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
