marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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