he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
