you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
