Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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