Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
