She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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