Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
