last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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