It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
