yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
