Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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