Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
