I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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