And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
