i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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