OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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