dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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