textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
