the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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