I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
