He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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