There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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