What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
