it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
