In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
