Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
