why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
