pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Be still, my beating vagina.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize