I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
