i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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