used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
