Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
