You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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