it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
farters have to be the big spoon...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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