I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
