Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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