you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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