I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize